美國女性不婚比例攀至新高，社會學者 Schwartz 分析女性選擇不婚有6大因素，嫁給沒用的老公只會讓生活更糟是主要原因。
近期1項民調顯示，18歲以上的美國女性有53%維持單身，再創歷史新高，女性對婚姻的渴望雖高於男性，但女性選擇遲婚或不婚有其社會因素。
華盛頓大學社會學教授 Pepper Schwartz 在 CNN 網站撰文指出，如果婚姻是樁好「交易」，自然會「成交」，婚姻不再是件好事，從女性觀點來看有6大因素。
第1，嫁給沒用的丈夫，生活只會更糟。貧窮女如遇上無錢男，只能相濡以沫，許多女性不嫁給令經濟情況更糟的男人不是秘密；單親媽媽即使依靠政府援助過活，也比嫁給無業不找工作的男人情況好得多。
第2，女性事業成就改變一切。成功女性無須成功男性在身邊加持，力爭上游的女性每天迎向挑戰，找丈夫最好先等等。
第3，女性不再禁錮於傳統角色。不想成為留在家中洗衣燒飯的女人，碰不上喜歡非傳統女性的男性，當然不會有婚姻。
第4，婚姻帶來稅務懲罰。薪資達中上程度的女性，如嫁給收入相當或較高的男性，稅率可能因丈夫把所得標準提高而更高，結婚反而造成女性生活成本增加。
第5，男人總是拈花惹草，何必自尋苦惱。
第6，女性挑挑撿撿，尋覓最佳伴侶，沒有速配，單身好過妥協出嫁委屈自己。男性也差不多，影星喬治克隆尼和許多女性往來，53歲才走入婚姻，就是等待心靈相配的現任妻子。
Schwartz 指出，社會學中的交易理論（Exchange Theory）聽來有點冷血，卻是不爭事實；人類行為奠基於付出與回報之間取得平衡，婚姻也不例外，財富、相貌與背景得相稱才是好「交易」，不過成功女人與在家寫作，順便看孩子的丈夫，或許是個不錯的組合。
Why more women choose not to marry
By Pepper Schwartz
Editor's note: Pepper Schwartz is professor of sociology at the University of Washington and the author of many books, the latest of which is "The Normal Bar." She is the love and relationship ambassador for AARP and writes the Naked Truth column for AARP.org. She is also a senior fellow at the Council on Contemporary Families, a nonprofit organization that gathers research on American families. The opinions in this commentary are solely those of the author.
(CNN) -- Some revolutions happen in a single day; others over decades. The rise of the voluntarily single woman has been happening in Western societies slowly, over time, concomitant with well-paying jobs, legal protection from economic or physical abuse, reliable birth control and the possibility of fulfilling careers and adventures.
Women are marrying at a later age these days, cohabiting with their partners or going in and out of short-term relationships without ever walking down the aisle.
Currently, 53% of women over 18 are in the singles column. Put another way, women now have choices that allow them to customize the arc of their lives and some of them find that it is best for them to put marriage aside.
Is this natural? Is this bad? Is this cause for alarm?
We have long counted on women's sacrifices and the compromises they've made to lift societies all over the world. We are worried that if women delay or forgo marriage, the all-important family unit will suffer.
As much as I admire happy couples and families, I think this may be one of the few times in history when so many women could choose from such a full range of life choices without penalty or stigma. Since few people "have it all," why not choose being single if that's the best option?
What it comes down to is people get married when it's a good deal. The question is why isn't marriage a good deal anymore? Here are some considerations.
1. A useless husband
If a woman is poor and only meets equally poor or poorer men, she's in a tough spot. It is no secret that many women do not choose to marry if the available partners will make their economic situation worse.
In some of these cases, even if a woman has a child, she may be better off with government help than a nonworking, noninvolved husband.
2. Success changes everything
When a woman is very privileged or highly successful, marriage could come very easily -- or not. Think of the likes of Elizabeth Taylor, who was married eight times. Or Oprah Winfrey, who for personal or professional reasons, is not married.
Moreover, a woman doesn't need a husband who is a high-powered corporate attorney if she is a high-powered corporate attorney. Taking advantage of economic and professional opportunities could be undermined by committing to a partner with an equally ambitious, or different, life agenda. This kind of woman may wake up every day to new and exciting challenges and think, "best to wait."
3. Unwilling to make traditional compromises
A woman who doesn't want to settle for cooking and cleaning and being the primary parent that society prefers. She is not meeting guys who want the kind of woman she is.
4. The marriage penalty tax
Some women are in an income bracket where marriage inflicts economic costs. She would have to pay more taxes if she marries someone who earns approximately what she makes or more.
5. Avoiding cheating men
A few years ago when I was in China, I had a conversation with some very beautiful female Chinese TV personalities about their personal life. I asked them why they were single and if they wanted to get married.
The three women all said they didn't want to marry because "the men of our class will all expect to have mistresses, and it is better not to marry than have to put up with that." I have no idea if this was an exaggeration or not -- but they believed it.
6. Waiting for the "one"
These women wait for the perfect guy, or the guy who they would fall in love with and love them back just as much. If that man doesn't come along, they prefer to go alone. As women get pickier, more factors enter into the marriage equation.
They may find someone who doesn't quite go the distance even after years of dating. They cohabit with someone and it doesn't work out. Singlehood, never intentional, becomes a fact. But they will not marry just to marry as their mothers or grandmothers might have.
In social psychology, there is a classic theory called "exchange theory." It is a bit cold-blooded, but it predicts that a person's actions will be based on trying to find a balance of give and get. Each person's resources -- of all kinds, including money, looks, background -- are traded back and forth for a "good deal." For example, a "good deal" scenario could be a woman who makes an excellent living pairing up with a man who is a writer and is willing to work at home and be the primary child care person.
When women's life choices were highly constrained, they had little negotiating power. They had to marry or were seen as damaged. A few got away with being "free spirits" but usually they were exceptional in wealth or lineage -- and even so, it wasn't easy.
It's different now. While most women still want marriage, they don't want it at just any price. They don't want it if it scuttles their dreams. Marriage is not dead -- not by a long shot. It is still, to most of us, the house we wish to build for our love, our lover and our children.
But women want to craft a life instead of having it pressed upon them. And that means some of us will be single for a long time, and some of us will be single for life. (http://edition.cnn.com/2014/10/15/opinion/schwartz-single-women/index.html)
沒有留言:
張貼留言